forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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