I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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