She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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