I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You are the jesus of drinking
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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