This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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