So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
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he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
pray to the hookup gods
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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