My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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