the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize