Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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