Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize