Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Everyone says I win the strip club
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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