so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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