Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.

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(301): She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle. http://tfl.nu/0dzx

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?

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(203): Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton? http://tfl.nu/kum0

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(573): View more from Missouri

Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.

(573): View more from Missouri

I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.

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(573): Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever. (573): I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that. http://tfl.nu/43y6

Replies (22) Good night (5143) Bad night (481)
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(971): View more from Oregon

this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word

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(971): this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word http://tfl.nu/bykc

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(616): View more from Michigan

it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.

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(616): it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor. http://tfl.nu/agj1

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(915): View more from Texas

My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!

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(915): My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!! http://tfl.nu/a7ta

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.

(1405): View more from

I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?

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(405): If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie. (1405): I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes? http://tfl.nu/u9sc

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(404): View more from Georgia

Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.

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(404): Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon. http://tfl.nu/d58s

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(859): View more from Kentucky

IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL

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(859): IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL http://tfl.nu/qlmv

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.

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(843): Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week. http://tfl.nu/axd2

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.

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(919): I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight. http://tfl.nu/fd4p

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.

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(608): Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe. http://tfl.nu/0d36

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.

(1-978): View more from Massachusetts

Did you sleep with him again?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?

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(978): The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me. (1-978): Did you sleep with him again? (978): No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me? http://tfl.nu/swvn

Replies (5) Good night (314) Bad night (833)
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(574): View more from Indiana

I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual

(1-574): View more from Indiana

You're the salmon of the gays...

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(574): I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual (1-574): You're the salmon of the gays... http://tfl.nu/2l6t

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(909): View more from California

While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."

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(909): While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run." http://tfl.nu/99ml

Replies (1) Good night (662) Bad night (166)

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