dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
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You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i believe in u and ur pee
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