My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
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I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We're too hungover to prance.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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