I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize