I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize