His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
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Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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