I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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