I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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