Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize