in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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