are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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