I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm passing your future prison.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
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It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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