Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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