i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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