you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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