my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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