im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize