Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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