Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize