What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
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