I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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