I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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