Apparently you make a good broom.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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