i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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