life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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