I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize