There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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