i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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