don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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