every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize