pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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