Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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