you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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