my mouth tastes like poor choices
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize