we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
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Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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