I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize