you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize