i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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