You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
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I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
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His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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